JAKARTA
Jakarta is a city that never sleep.Jakarta is one of the best cities in the world to shop,to entertain and tom travel ro.First of all,Jakarta has many shoppimg places that are available at many locations.Secondlly,Jakarta has many entertaining places to hang out,dine and enjoy.Almost,everwhere in Jakarta has discouteques and also sport facilities.Third,Jakarta has many tourist objects and tourist destination that are historical tourist object and beatifull tourist object.To sum up,Jakarta is very great cities that have to be visit.Inconclusion,jakarta is the best cities that have many places to shop,to dine and entertain also tourist destination.
I agree with what you wrote about Jakarta, Steve and Andrew. This paragraph would be more complete if you let readers know the names of the shops, discotheques, etc. :)
BalasHapusWriting feedback : The best topic sentence for the paragraph is the 2nd sentence as it informs readers the direction of the whole paragraph; so you can delete the 1st sentence. Secondly, I would choose the last sentence as the concluding sentence for the paragraph; thus, you can also delete "To sum up..." part.
True, things i hate about jakarta. But still, I love Jakarta despite all the bad things
BalasHapus